Taqrir Washington 
Anne Marie Brooks

Interfaith marriages come in many forms – unions between people of different Abrahamic traditions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), between branches of a religion (such as Catholics and Protestants) or sects of a religion (Evangelical and Pentecostal), between monotheists and polytheists, or between believers and atheists.

Anecdotal evidence and a few studies point to a rise in interfaith marriage in the United States. In a 1995 study by Klaff, it was found that 16% of Jewish households established before 1965 had had a non-Jewish spouse, while that number had risen to 69% for families established between 1985 and 1990.

A 1998 study by James D. Davidson found that while interfaith marriages made up 30% of all marriages sanctioned by Catholic churches in 1997, but these rates varied greatly by diocese, between 6 percent in Brownsville, Texas to 71 percent in Burlington, Vermont. Davidson's research pointed to the percentage of Catholics in the area as having a great impact on the rate of intermarriage. For example, Brownsville's low intermarriage rate of 6 percent can be largely explained by the area being 80 percent Catholic, so there is less likelihood of even meeting non-Catholics. In contrast, dioceses in areas that are less than 10 percent Catholic have an average interfaith marriage rate of 51 percent.

While interfaith marriage may be becoming more common, particularly in areas with greater religious diversity, coupling along faith lines is far from random. People still show a greater tendency to marry within their faith, because of who they are likely to meet and also the practical consequences. Couples who have been raised in the same religion have one more aspect of compatibility in their relationship, and individuals may face pressure from their families, communities, or places of worship to marry someone of the same faith.

Interfaith marriage is almost universally discouraged by religious institutions, who cite evidence suggesting that people in interfaith marriages are more likely to disagree or divorce and less likely to attend services, pray, and agree and comply with all religious tenants.

Both the families of people in interfaith couples and their respective religious institutions are also often concerned about how future children will be raised. Religious institutions worry that interfaith marriages will make them lose future followers, because the children from these relationships would be less likely to practice a religion strictly than children from a same-faith marriage. The family of a person in an interfaith couple may also be concerned about whether he or she will convert or raise their children in the other religion.

In some interfaith relationships, one partner chooses to convert to the other's religion before or after marriage in order to unite their family and simplify the religious education of their children. Conversion rituals vary greatly; converting from one Protestant faith to another may only involve attending the new church, since many types of Protestants accept the validity of each other's baptisms. Switching from one Abrahamic religion to another can be much more difficult.

While in Islam conversion can be very simple, involving saying the shehada, other religions have much more complicated rituals for conversion. In Judaism, conversion includes ritual circumcision for men, choosing a new Jewish name, and the mikvah – a ritual immersion in water. Catholicism has a lengthy process of religious instruction, which culminates in the Easter Vigil, when converts are baptized, receive their first holy communion, and are confirmed into the church.

In all of these religions, conversion is supposed to only take place if these acts are undertaken with sincerity, and Judaism in particular holds that the conversion must take place for its own sake, not for any other motives. Therefore, it is expected that people who convert for future spouses are doing so for spiritual reasons, not because they wish to avoid future conflicts in their marriage.

Deciding how to raise children is almost universally cited as the greatest challenge of an interfaith marriage. In some religions, there are religious rules concerning which parent is expected to determine the religion of the children. For example, in Judaism, religion is determined by the mother's faith, so that a child with a Jewish mother is considered completely Jewish, while a child with a Jewish father is considered not Jewish at all by the standards of more strict sects, unless he decides to convert. In Islam, religion is expected to be determined by the father through his role of religious education as the head of the household.

Because of these expectations for how religion is passed on, some Jews consider it more problematic for a Jewish man to marry a non-Jew than for a Jewish woman to marry a non-Jew. Likewise, some Muslims believe that it is acceptable for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim but nearly an act of apostasy for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim, because then she would be expected to convert or at least raise her children as non-Muslims.

However, many religious communities do not espouse these rigid guidelines, and many if not most couples in interfaith marriages make a more personal choice about whether to raise their children with one religion, both, or none. These couples may face problems, though, if one or both of them become more religious or change their views on the religious upbringing of their children.

Two online forums recently held discussions prompted by Christian women who had married, or were considering marrying, Muslim men. In general, the people responding advised proceeding cautiously in an interfaith marriage, although a few noted their personal experience in amicable interfaith marriages.

The largest problem in these marriages was understood to be raising children while respecting each other's beliefs. One man wrote, "Interfaith marriage can work, when one of the partners does not care about which faith his/her kids grow up with, or if both are not practicing their faith and their kids are brought up pretty much faithless. Anything else, and you looking at trouble the minute you have kids." Another agreed, writing, "Here in the U.S., just from the anecdotal evidence I've heard, it seems most interfaith marriages fail or are unhappy ones. The ones that do seem to be successful are those where the issue of kids is off-the-table for one reason or another."

Two Christians who responded to the post warned against the marriages. One man wrote, "eventually you will forsake your faith in order to assimilate. You will have sold yourself for the price of one husband----Don't do it." Another warned that "most women who were once Christians convert to Islam once their husbands had converted to Islam or once they are married to a Muslim men." 

Two men who had Christian wives and had converted to Islam after their marriages had very different opinions. One wrote, "if you love each other truly then God will see you through all of your problems.  We must always remember that marriage has problems but when two people love each other nothing can stop them...not even religion." Another described he and his wife's choice to "not specifically raise [their children] Muslim or Christian... We decided to teach them about both religions and let them decide when they get to a mature age to know what path they want to take... I think it can work if both people compromise." However, he admitted that "It would have been different if when we married I was a Muslim. Then, I would have made it clear to her before the marriage about the kids being raised as Muslims."

However, this approach of teaching both religions and allowing the children to make their own choice was not easily accepted by the audience. One male atheist, who had been raised by a Christian and an atheist, advocated this approach, but an American Christian woman disagreed, writing that "it is wholly unfair to teach children two completely different opposing views about God...Children need guidance, and if they see mom opposing something dad is teaching, there can be chaos in the home." An American man who had converted to Islam agreed with her, saying that children raised with two religions were less likely to view religion as important and that he would "much rather have someone raised in a wrong religion, but believe in religion itself as important (because they might find the right religion one day), rather than have someone raised in many but not believe religion itself as important."

In spite of the challenges described and the warnings they receive, the two women remained hopeful that in their own marriages, love and compromise would ease their differences.